So where do I begin…
This last September in 2017, I decided that I was getting a divorce. I didn’t want it, but didn’t really have a choice. I gave my now ex wife an opportunity to quit doing the self-destructive harmful things she was doing to herself and our marriage and she chose her addictions over us and me. I didn’t give her an ultimatum, I just simply gave her the choice of saving our marriage which in turn would save herself and she chose drugs and alcohol. It was one of the most depressing and hurtful times in my life but I had to make the decision that would help both of us. At that point she blamed me for everything especially her drinking because she refused to blame herself or see what choices she was making. I was a patient loving husband at first but resentment and attrition lead to me talking down to her and finally realizing I wasn’t good for her or myself. She could, and would, say the nastiest things to me and made me feel like I was actually the problem. I gave her my love and everything I had and it wasn’t enough. That fucking hurt, I was patient and honest and understanding but no matter what I tried to do to connect with her I couldn’t get through. The fucked up part is that she kept begging me to have a child but refused to stop doing drugs or drinking and said that it would work out for the best if she got pregnant. I’m not going to say I was the perfect husband because there is no such thing and honestly towards the end I was very condescending and treated her like a child. I wasn’t always like this but this is how I handled her drinking and drug use which was constant.
It started with her addiction to coke, which I knew about at the beginning but didn’t know how bad it was. There was something about her that made me look past it hoping, I guess, that one day she would make a decision to stop poisoning herself because she had something to love, who loved her and wanted nothing but good for her. She also had a pill addiction which she actually kicked but that lead to the alcoholism. She managed to get herself off lithium and was actually better for it and was having less bipolar and manic depression episodes but didn’t know how to function sober because she confessed she hadn’t been sober since the age of 12. Even after I found out she gave me Herpes Type II, which she claims she never knew she had, from her abusive, stalker, Ex, who messaged me on Facebook with the exact phrase “I guess you know she has Herpes” and I still didn’t run. I put in almost 5 years and the final decision was after a trip to Destin, FL. It started when she swung at me multiple times and tried to kill me and herself by taking us through a sliding glass window and over a 12 story balcony. This all happened on the second night we were down there and she claims she was blackout drunk and then admitted she remembered some of it and I had to put on a show for the rest of the trip and act like I actually wanted to be down there for the rest of the 7 days we were there.
She lied to me about everything I ever knew about her and she admitted to all of it at the end. Her reasons for moving to GA and her good intentions were all a lie. I even had doubts that she was faithful at the end and she had a new boyfriend before the divorce papers were signed by the judge so that was a confirmation to me. That hurt more than anything else, I was actually fucking embarrassed that our relationship and marriage meant nothing and that she just moved on that easily. I knew better and I knew that is how she copes with shit, fuck she even said “are we fucking other people” as soon as I told her it was over because she “hadn’t had dick in a month” and that was the all consuming thing in her life other than drugs and alcohol. She even asked for her gun back that I bought her for a wedding gift and asked if there were any bullets left for it and then wondered why I asked her not to shoot me with it when I gave it back to her without any ammo.
I had to get all of this off my chest because I feel like this is part of a healing process for me.
And after all that rambling here is what matters out of all of this:
It’s for the best that we got a divorce and I wish that one day she actually finds happiness with herself so that she can be happy with someone else. I still have love for her and I hope she finds the potential and greatness I know she has in her but I can’t be with her anymore. I hope that one day she actually gets the help she needs but I’m afraid it’s going to end up with her hitting rock bottom, lower than she has ever been, before she does anything about it.
I loved you and your family and I have no ill will, I simply wish you and them the best in life.